Grief Before Transition
“The transition happened so gradually I barely noticed it.”
No one warned me that becoming a woman would require grieving the girl I used to be.
Not the obvious milestones. Those came with celebrations. The wedding. The babies. The first home. The family photos hanging on the walls. The life I had dreamed of building.
What surprised me was waking up one day, somewhere in my mid-thirties, and realizing I had arrived in a life I loved while simultaneously feeling disconnected from myself.
"How did I get here?"
For years, I had been moving forward without looking up. Meeting deadlines. Changing diapers. Cleaning messes. Folding laundry. Managing schedules. Remembering birthdays. Carrying the invisible mental load of keeping a family running.
Looking back, I realize that transition wasn't just about growth.
It was about grief.
The grief of realizing I could no longer be everything to everyone.
The grief of releasing unrealistic expectations.
The grief of letting go of the version of myself who believed she could do it all perfectly. And like many forms of grief, this transition moved through familiar stages.
Denial: "I can do it all."
Anger: "Why does everyone else seem to be thriving while I'm barely staying afloat?"
Bargaining: "Maybe if I wake up earlier. Maybe if I become more disciplined. Maybe if I find the perfect system."
Depression: "What if this is just what life feels like now? An endless cycle of dishes, laundry, obligations, and exhaustion?"
Acceptance: "I was never meant to do it all. I was meant to be fully present for what matters most."
Acceptance wasn't the end of the grief.
It was the beginning of the transition.
The moment I stopped trying to reclaim the girl I used to be and became curious about the woman I was becoming.
A woman who no longer measures her worth by productivity.
A woman who understands that rest is not earned.
A woman who knows that perfection is not the price of love.
A woman who can hold both gratitude for the life she has built and longing for the parts of herself she wants to rediscover.
Because every meaningful transition asks something of us.
It asks us to let go before we can become.
And sometimes, before growth comes grief.
As Chief Growth Officer for Honest Heart Journeys, Brie’s mission is to help cultivate a community where women can experience deeper connection, greater clarity, a place of belonging and lasting personal growth. She believes transformation isn't about becoming someone else—it's about remembering and reclaiming who you've been all along. Learn more about Brie >>
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