When Perfect Love is Patient
A love story about patience, intention, and becoming the person you hope to find.
My husband Micah and I are coming up on our tenth dating anniversary this weekend. And who doesn’t love a good love story…
I graduated college a little jaded. Ring by spring just didn’t pan out for me, and I’d taken a number of hits to the heart along the way—many during my senior year.
The summer after, I finally decided to take and implement two pieces of advice given to me by our incredible host Heather Barron:
The first: Take some time for myself. Just me. Who am I untethered to anyone else?
The second: Write a list of all the qualities, quirks, values I want in a future partner.
And the key to this last one: Remember that love is reflected in love. I have to strive to embody all the things I want in a partner.
If I want patience. I must first strive to be patient.
During the summer, I followed the first piece of advice. No dating during the summer was both difficult and easy.
There was a guy at work who I seemed to click with. There was chemistry. An easiness. We spent the summer goofing off in the kitchen, laughing at a card table with our co-workers on break, and getting into long talks about music, anime, and theology. At the end of summer we decided to date. A few weeks in, something felt off. And, oddly, it wasn’t the long distance.
I looked at that list I’d written at the beginning of the year—my “just what a young man ought to be” list— and it hit me — he wasn’t the one. He didn’t check all the boxes.
When we ended things amicably, I was less heartbroken and more annoyed. I really liked him, and he fit most of my list. But there were a few things I couldn’t ignore. And I had to be patient.
That fall, as I was working as an intern at the college I’d graduated from, someone caught my eye. There was a toga party going on in the dorm next door. He was out there on the lawn dancing—somewhat goofy, yet confident—in a sheet.
He was tall (checkbox 1), handsome (checkbox 2), and—as far as I could tell from across campus grounds—amiable (checkbox 3).
I found a way to start talking to him, and within three days, I knew — he was the one. All boxes checked — even the niche ones.
That moment alone was enough to give me confidence in our relationship. But when I discovered his side of the story… well, let me just tell you.
Three weeks after we started dating, Micah hit a squirrel on his bike on the way to one of his finals. With a history of concussions, his family didn’t want to take the risk and he was life-flighted to a hospital an hour away.
Despite the potential for a brain injury, I felt inexplicably connected to Micah mentally. On the drive, I repeated this mantra: “I AM here. God is here.”
The next day, after he was discharged with an all clear, I helped Micah pack up his dorm room for the end of the semester. We talked about the experience and he told me that, as he was getting an MRI, he looked to the nurse and said, “God is here.”
That alone proved to me the mental connection I felt. But there was more.
Going through old papers, I found a single sheet of paper that had a date and goals written on it.
His goal: “In 6 months I will become the man my future wife will want to marry.”
I quickly did the math in my head and cried.
It felt unreal.
The day I realized Micah was the man I would marry was 6 months from the day he wrote that goal.
I think my favorite thing about our story was that we were both intentionally preparing ourselves to be a worthy man and woman for each other. We weren’t looking for someone to complete us, but rather for the best of ourselves to be refined and drawn out in the presence of each other.
When we stopped searching outside of ourselves and started this inner journey of becoming our best self, we inevitably attracted exactly who we needed in this journey of life.
If this stirred something in you, we’d love to hear it!
What has grown in you over the past year?
What are you noticing or remembering about yourself?
Share your reflection with us HERE, or post a video of your own on on Social Media and tag @honestheartjourneys so we can honor what has grown together.
Ariana Stevens is passionate about connecting women through shared experiences, meaningful relationships and the journey of personal growth.
She believes that becoming our best selves begins with curiosity, self-discovery and creating space for authentic connection.
Learn more about Ari >>
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