The Willingness to Be Led
An unexpected calling to walk the Camino becomes a journey of letting go, embracing grace, and learning to trust the path unfolding ahead.
I believe the Camino calls.
I was absorbed in an inspiring book on a cross-country flight, and the thought came plainly that I needed to walk the Camino. I have lived long enough to know to listen to that still, small voice within, so I landed, and booked my trip with Honest Heart Journeys.
Now, you need to know that this did not necessarily make sense for me!
I do not like to hike, so walking 11-16 miles a day for 12 days was way beyond my desire or my comfort zone. Yet I had been on an extensive growth journey for over a year, so I trusted this was my “next step”. I trained for a few months, and off I went to experience the Meseta on the Camino Frances, unsure of what was leading me, trusting that what awaited me was meant for me.
Our first day arrived, and not knowing how to begin a pilgrimage, I asked for directions.
Jen simply said, “Start behind the cathedral and follow the shells”.
Seriously?! Just follow the shells and arrows, — for over 100 miles, in a strange country — and I will get to where I’m going? That seemed inconceivable, but off I went on my shell hunt.
Shell by shell, arrow by arrow The Way unfolded. Sometimes those icons were obscured and I lost the path — retracing steps until I found another waypoint and I was redirected.
Soon, I began to understand the magic behind the mystery of being present and available to what is opening before us. Then, it was a matter of having the courage to boldly walk forward, trusting I was being led in the right direction. Recognizing that if I got off course, I could simply be re-routed. This powerful metaphor for life was not lost on me.
The first couple of days we walked… just walked. You hear about the sacredness of the trail, yet I remember not feeling much of anything at all, other than being exhausted at the end of the day.
By the third day, the Camino found me. I had been wrestling with relationships back home, and an email brought me to my knees.
As the longest day stretched before me, I honored the need to walk alone.
Sometimes tears wet the trail. Other paths were fraught with anger; others with empty isolation. The Meseta stripped me bare of false selves and long-held strongholds on my heart as mile after mile provided the time and space to think, to wait, to be… to be present and allow myself to be held… in my anger, in my confusion, in my grief, and in my unknowing.
That night our hotel was a converted monastery that became the fitting backdrop for my “dark night of the soul”. Unable to sleep despite intense emotional exhaustion, I opened my email and found the final epistle that was the culmination of unspoken expectation.
In the blackness of night, what should have sent me into the atmosphere instead brought a blinding, instant clarity, a deep understanding and a full measure of grace.
In that moment, I understood that what I had been looking for this person did not have the capacity to give me. I recognized that her wounds and hurts informed her perspective, and that I no longer needed to believe my own narratives that attempted to protect my struggling sense of self.
This insight lifted me beyond the limits of my personal demons and long-held emotional struggles, enabling me to hold her in a pure sense of love and deep compassion. It was unlike anything I had experienced before.
I also found myself being relieved of “selves” that were no longer mine to hold: the Good Girl, the Pleaser, or the “Little Girl with the Curl” found in the HHJ Utah trip book, When the Heart Waits. That moment was the beginning of freedom from all that had tried to consume me for decades.
While the Camino had stripped me bare, the next day it began to rebuild me.
I walked with joy. With a deep peace. A quiet knowing. Mostly, I walked with an acute awareness of being one with Divine Presence. Held. Loved. Whole.
As the days and miles unfolded, I was embraced in this sacred state of grace and gratitude.
Then a funny thing happened in a café in Leon. With only 2 days left, and after an amazing morning of doing ‘The Work’ with [our Host] Aileen, I suddenly felt the pull to fly home and deal with unfolding events.
As I sat with that unusual stirring (I was so close to finishing!), I realized that my Camino was not about notches on a belt or checked boxes.
My Camino had been a sacred invitation to a journey of the soul, beckoning me to reconcile old wounds and emotional strongholds in search of my True Self… unencumbered, loved, connected, and free.
The Camino had given me more clarity and direction than I could have dared hope for, and the call was now for me to step into that space in my daily life and put my Camino into practice.
My dear Camino sisters cheered and celebrated this unfolding, and I flew home.
As daily life awaited, I was afraid of losing my “mountain top” encounter, as if the dust of everyday life could dull its luster and obscure its hold on me. Yet encounters of Spirit are not fragile things to be tucked away. They transform us and enable us to walk into higher versions of our True Self which is always designed to bless. They also place a gentle demand to put into practice that which was revealed.
With that, my Camino continues to give me opportunities to redeem and restore relationships, both with myself and others. It invites a new posture, invokes new skills, and inspires continued grace, strength and compassion.
I originally thought the Camino would demand everything I had. What I experienced is that it simply invited me to let go… of assumptions, false narratives, old hurts, stubborn stands so that I was in a position to be led.
My Camino continues to call me to look for the shells and arrows in my everyday life, recognizing that as we are willing to be led, growth and blessings await.
What is calling you?
Wendy Thomas and Camino Hosts Aileen Cheetham & Jennifer Dale at the Burgos Cathedral in the historic center of Burgos, Spain.
If this stirred something in you, we’d love to hear it!
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