From Empty Nest to Full Heart
My baby gets married in just a few days. It’s been almost a decade since he left for school, but somehow this is a new milestone.
Just like that, all three of my children will belong to “their person” — that person with whom they build families, communities, and their chosen life.
Weddings feel like this, too — a bittersweet release followed by the joy of watching them fly.
I’m already savoring the mother–son dance — that fleeting moment of holding him close before letting go again. The song may be sentimental, but what better time to let every tender, unspoken feeling rise to the surface? I felt a lump in my throat when I heard the lyrics of the song he suggested. They capture my heart, and his choice spoke a thousand words.
I love knowing that each of my kids has found someone uniquely right for them. More than anything, I hope to see each of them encouraged to live into their best selves with the partner they’ve chosen.
That’s always been my role – to see and encourage their uniqueness. Our family always laughs about Mom’s famous line, “Honey, you’d be good at that!” Call it partiality – I don’t care. I believe in them!
I love each of my children’s partners for how they nurture them.
Rethinking the Empty Nest
The world calls this transition “the empty nest.” But I just can’t see it that way. I don’t feel empty, and I don’t believe being a good mom means I have to ache missing my kids.
I learned this early, the first time I sent my oldest to summer camp. I thought about him constantly and worried about how he was doing. But then the counselor letters came—full of stories of his growth and independence. And the car ride home from the airport after I picked him up, when he chattered on and on about his experiences, was a gift.
My part then was to allow him his own journey.
In Awe of This Generation
Just yesterday, a good friend and I—both in the midst of wedding planning for our kids—shared our awe at trends in this next generation.
We see young couples working side by side, planning with intentionality, dividing and sharing tasks, taking turns. Gone are rigidly defined roles of “his” and “hers.” Instead, couples build lives side by side.
And their lives are full! Many care less about accruing things, and more about sharing experiences.
And they’re intentional parents too. They’re realizing that presence matters more than devices, and that love and leadership can’t be outsourced. They understand that when their marriage is nurtured first, their children feel safest.
My Role Shifts
So where do I fit?
For me, I ask myself how I can make space for my kids and their partners to nurture their relationships.
I love taking my “Littles” for a night while Mom and Dad go to a concert. Truth be told, my favorite times with my grandchildren are when I have their undivided attention. Call me selfish, but these are precious times!
I also know how important it is for these couples to give each other individual space. To communicate with one another about what feeds them, and what supports their growth. To recognize how they like to be loved, and how they instinctively love others.
I recently had a heart-to-heart with my daughter-in-law about how self-care isn’t selfish. I played the martyr for years, tending to everyone but me, and I’ve only recently recognized that, had I valued myself more, I probably wouldn’t have lost sight of who I was.
Now, I see how my daughter-in-law’s tending to her own well-being makes her the kind of mother whose children feel safe, heard, and adored.
Building My Own Nest
As my children build their family nests, my own is under a remodel of sorts — one filled with the deep relationships of sisterhood, and this Honest Heart Community.
I’ve been recognizing how often women check in with me, hold me accountable to my myself and my marriage, and exchange what we’re learning within new questions and growth. These are relationships of honest vulnerability and grace.
We’ve had years of experience from which to glean wisdom that we should celebrate. Many of us are also resolving hurt buried beneath years of habits of perfectionism and pleasing others. There’s beautiful healing going on that connects us on a deep level.
And I’m finally receiving others’ grace. Believing myself worthy of their love. Taking the time to ask questions, share stories, and sit with their answers.
Full Circle
Thirty-seven years ago next week, my husband and I drove to the airport after our honeymoon to fly home to New York City. The new word “wife” felt strange in my mouth. As we passed the exit towards my parents’ home, it hit me: my home wasn’t with them anymore, it was with my new husband.
So much newness. So much transition. And yet—excitement!
It’s time to live fully into the woman I have always been, the one at times buried beneath roles and dreams. Those roles had their glorious season, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
But now, it is time for me. And I am not alone.
Some things never change, though. As my mother reminds me, "You will always be my baby." Maybe that's what I whisper to my son as we dance?
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